It's Not as Easy as You Think!
by Socks Are Yummy
Summary: Think you’d want to be a Mary Sue? Think again. Mary Sue, Legomance, Rated T to be safe. Mostly Bookland, but, you know, the book never had Mary Sue, so I'll call it alternate.
1. Never Download Strange Files

Title: It's not as easy as you think!

Summary: Think you'd want to be a Mary Sue? Think again. (Mary Sue, Legomance, Rated T to be safe. If you are the author of a MS, consider some of these things please!)

Lord of the Rings - Fiction Rated: T - English – Parody/Romance

(A/N: You know, Sue-ism isn't just being beautiful, or a good fighter. All that 'passing out into a-random-gorgeous-elf's arms', and 'sacrificing herself to save her love' has got to be tiring…)

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Lord Tolkien's work, got it! I don't even own Lucy, she owns herself, as really, she is writing her own story in my head, and all I do is write it down from there. She is her own, person, even if she's just a character. Remember that and don't hold me accountable for anything she may do, like rob a bank.

Lucy was a freak. She was a grade-A, certified freak. That's what the entire world thought of her, or so she said. She got good enough grades to not flunk out of her classes, but not so great that she was a teacher's pet. The main complaints were about one thing; Lord of the Rings. As far as she cared, Tolkien could have been God. In English, really all her stories seemed to in one way or another relate to Tolkien. Her homework all had Elvish scribbled into the corners, but what really hit her grades hard was when she turned in her History report in—and it was written about Middle-Earth! And although wonderfully researched and written, it still got a D.

That really drove her insane. Why couldn't they see that Middle-Earth was real? If not still in existence, it at least existed long, long ago. Really, just because there were no written texts or anything to support the existence of a real Middle-Earth, doesn't mean it never existed! But sadly, her teachers didn't see her way of thinking.

She was contemplating this one day while doing her homework, and found her thoughts wandering to Middle-Earth. Thinking she'd get it out of her system, she thought she'd zip over to a fanfiction site to read a nice Legomance or something. Getting out of her chair, she tripped over a fold in the rug underneath her, and fell to the floor.

* * *

When she got up and dusted herself off, the world seemed a bit strange. And THEN the horrible smell hit her. It was as if she had stuck her nose into the exhaust pipe of an old car. She gagged and gasped for air, but to no avail, the smell seemed to be all over the room. She made her way to the window but when she opened it, the smell tripled, and she slammed it shut. The smell lingered, but she had had plenty of breath-holding practice in the time she spent swimming, so she managed.

Her one-track mind got her back to her computer, and she made her way over to it. When she turned it on, the screen looked odd. It was as if she could make out every single pixel, and each one was blinking on and off very fast. From her many hours of studying computers and technology, she knew that was what happened, but normally the human eye couldn't pick those things up She figured her computer had just gotten a bit old, and the monitor was starting to fade. She made a note to ask her parents for a new one later.

First she logged onto AIM, and then she went to her favorite fanfiction site. Halfway through the first chapter of a nice 'Girl-falls-into-ME' story, she got an IM from a strange person she didn't know. "I see you like Mary Sue-type stories. You have a very interesting profile." flashed the 'broken' monitor.

"I like getting into the feel of them. And who wouldn't want to be beautiful and multi-talented?" she replied to the mysterious IMer.

"I created a program to make you your very own Mary Sue. I need beta-testers for it, but it's pretty cool. Wanna see it? Just download this file, I promise it's not a virus." came the response.

Lucy was somewhat worried about downloading a strange file, but she had a great virus-checker that had never failed her before so she typed "OK" and hit 'download'.

* * *

When she finally opened the program, she was greeted by a nice blue background, and to her amazement, she screen looked just like it was supposed to. She'd still get it checked out though. She also noticed that the air smelled fine, but only if she leaned close to the screen. Actually, it had a faint earthy smell. Odd. She ignored the oddities and went back to her computer.

The screen said 'Step one: Choose Name' and had two options underneath it, 'Name Generator' and 'Make Your Own'. She chose the generator, and got another three options: 'English', 'Quenya' and 'Sindarin'. She chose Sindarin, and got the name 'Alya' and the translation of 'rich' underneath it. 'Next', she selected.

'Step two: Looks' showed the screen. There was a model in the corner of the screen showing a blank-faced woman with white skin and no hair. Lucy guessed it was to show what the Sue would look like. After playing around with the design tools, the little model in the corner looked like the perfect Sue. The face had perfect proportions; the ears were petite, but very pointed at the ends. Her eyes were a perfect shade of purple, to add to the Sueishness. The hair was around the waist of the Sue, and a black so dark and shiny, it would have taken a normal person hours to get it to that state. A Barbie figure, with a chest that wasn't freakishly large, but okay sized, Lucy noted. She could never stand people having their chests weigh more than the rest of them. It just looked odd. Both her arms and legs had not one drop of fat, but instead enough muscle to be strong, and yet not look like a man. The skin was about as pale as you can get, to go with the hair. Although it would burn easily, thinking from the mind of a Sue, either the Sueishness would protect her, or she'd get lotion smeared onto her by any passing elf. _Teehee…_ was the only thought that made its way through Lucy's mind. The Sueish creature stood at a nice 6'5, nice and tall. It was everything Lucy wanted to be. It was odd, but Lucy was getting really in to this program, for some reason. 'Next' she clicked.

'Step three: Outfits' was the title of this screen. For a moment she was a bit confused about the plural, as you can't really change clothes in Middle Earth, but she figured a Mary Sue could do it, because they're _special_. The monitor showed something that looked a bit like The Sims, but not as detailed. It had a place for designing Everyday, Travel, Fancy, and Sleepwear, and looked rather complicated. But Lucy figured that if she could design the face of a Mary Sue, she could certainly make a dress or two.

Half an hour later, she decided she was wrong. She would have given up and actually gotten to her homework, but for some reason she couldn't make herself get off the computer, and besides, the computer was the only place that smelled okay.

Eventually, she got the outfits to look just right. The Everyday one wasn't really a dress, but a black tunic and gray leggings. There were silver clasps, and roses embroidered on the sleeves. The trim was purple, and the whole thing looked perfect for a Goth!Sue. Also, after looking down at her Sue's bare feet, she threw in a pair of combat boots. It was perfect.

The Travel outfit was really much the same, but longer and thicker, with the addition of a black cloak, complete with silver clasp, tiny red rose embroidered on the shoulder, purple trim and a hood that could easily cover her face. It actually looked pretty comfy. But then, looking back on those two outfits, she added room to hide daggers in her boots and sleeves, and a royal-purple belt, to put her sword and such.

Lucy went all out with the Fancy outfit. Unlike the other outfits, it was a night-sky color, floor-length with long flowy sleeves. A purple thread swirled its way across the skirt of the dress, and a little silver pin in the shape of a rose tied the whole thing off. _This wouldn't look out of place at a fashion show, actually…_ Lucy mused, picturing fame and fortune. But soon her mind wandered back to the computer.

And then the Sleepwear. The sleepwear consisted of a silk top-and-bottom set, something you didn't see very often in Middle Earth. _They should experience some variety. I mean, why would you want to have the same boring pajamas as everyone else? I'm an individual! _Lucy thought to herself. It then struck her as odd that she was talking like she was going to Middle Earth, when she had no intentions of doing any such thing. But then the computer pulled her back. The pajamas were, once again, black, with silver and red roses all over them. She also made sure that when she designed it, the silk was extra shiny, as the shinier the silk, the more the Elf would drool. Plus, silk is about the softest thing known to man. Or Elf. 'Next', she clicked.

"Step four: Weapon". This step was pretty self-explanatory. She designed her sword first. It was not long enough to overbalance, but still pretty long, and yet very light, and made of Mithril. A vine with roses and thorns was carved along the length of the blade. The hilt was also made of Mithril, with a red stone carved into the shape of a rose inlaid into it.

Then she made the dagger. It looked a lot like the sword, but smaller. The blade had a single rose on it, stem and all, and lots of thorns. She then duplicated that by four, for her boots and sleeves. Matching daggers, how sweet.

'Step five: Traits'. _Ah, the thing that separates the 'Mary Sue' from the average person: the traits, _the thought flitted through Lucy's mind. There were two columns, one considerably shorter than the other: 'Qualities' and '"Flaws"'. Guess which one was longer.

Each column had a list with checkboxes next to each item. On Qualities, Lucy checked off every box, not looking at what they were, but a few she saw were things like 'Amazing Voice', 'Funny' and 'Magic'. And for the considerably shorter '"Flaws"', she checked off only one: 'Can't Dance'. It was the least noticeable flaw there could be, and why make huge flaws in a Sue? Then it wouldn't be a real Sue. And the 'Next' button she clicked.

"Step six: Personality". At first Lucy didn't see why they put traits AND personality, but it soon became clearer. Traits were just aspects of the Sue, but the personality was everything else: What they liked to do, how they greeted new people, all those things. She was greeted by a screen with a quiz on it, which looked somewhat like this:

'_Answer these questions as your Sue:_

_The glass is:_

_Half Empty_

_Half Full_

_You find an injured kitten while walking to school. You:_

_Ignore it_

_Take it to a vet and then find it a good home_

_Take it to a vet and keep it_

_Put it out of its misery'_…

There were about an endless number of answers to each questions, and about 250 questions, covering everything and anything that could possibly happen to anyone ever. The topics of the questions covered everything from favorite color to how long it took them to eat ice cream. Every possible answer had a checkbox next to it that turned orange when clicked, signaling that that was the option you'd selected. Completing the quiz was harder than Lucy had expected, but for some reason she couldn't stop. She was drawn to it, and she had no clue why. Still, her homework wasn't all that urgent, it wasn't due until Tuesday, and it was Thursday. She had time.

Finally she was done, and the screen flashed her answers at her: 'Alya. Goth!Sue, Elf, 964 love interest with Legolas, 72 love interest with Aragorn, 53 love interest with Faramir, 20 or less love interest with anyone else. Edit answers? Yes No' She hit 'No' and the screen flashed more answers at her: 'Personality: Somewhat dark, but not as much as the average Goth!Sue. Sarcastic, witty, courageous, artistic, wise, and reserved are some of Alya's most prominent points. She enjoys reading, writing and painting. She is not fond of mornings, but is perfectly able to function in the morning. She has all the senses of an Elf, including Eyes, Ears and Nose. She is best fighting with a sword, but can also use a bow and arrows, daggers, and throw knives. Edit answers? Yes No'. Lucy hit 'No' again, and came up with the final box. 'Choose love interest:' and naturally, Lucy selected Leggy. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was the screen saying 'Thank you for your participation. Have a nice trip!'

* * *

_ Everything was black. Then suddenly, a voice boomed out of nowhere. "You should know better than to download strange programs. You got one hell of a virus from it, didn't you? Pretty little mess you're in, I see. Wouldn't you like to know what's going on? Speak up…Heehee…" the voice taunted. Lucy guessed it was the person she had downloaded the file from. _

"_Now, think back on what I said before_. 'I created a program to make you your very own Mary Sue…' _You should have listened a bit more clearly. And now it's true. Didn't you notice how you could see every movement in your computer screen? Normal eyes couldn't pick that up. Only an _Elf_ could possibly see those movements. And that smell? You always smell that, just now your senses have gone to supernatural levels. Had the house been quiet you would have also noticed that were a pin to drop, you'd know. And now you're kinda stuck like that. But you have one last choice. Either I 'make you your own Mary Sue' or you go back to the way you were. I must warn you, some changes will take effect whether you stay or go. Or you can contemplate this forever, because while you are here, time will not pass. No one will even notice you're gone…"_

_ This torment was too much. She tried to shout at the voice, and possibly demand information, but as soon as the thought entered her mind, it was gone. She tried as hard as she could to hold on to a thought, but she could only get one topic to stay in her mind: Middle Earth, and where to go. And so that was what she thought about. _

_ Firstly, if she went back to her world, she would look different. At least in Middle Earth nobody would know she used to be different. And what would her family think, how would they react? In Middle Earth, at least the Elves looked like her. No one in her world came close. People would be wanting her for modeling jobs, and any boys in the general area she was in would probably pass out. It seemed inconvenient, and maybe even dangerous. _

_ Plus, wasn't it always her dream to get people to believe Middle Earth was real? Now she could bring back solid proof of it! But then: What if she never got back? What if she could never get back home from Middle Earth? If she would be there forever? Would people notice her missing, or would time not pass?_

_ These questions kept Lucy thinking for several hours. Or was it days? Weeks? Years? The only comforting thought that crossed Lucy's mind was that she could think here forever and never get old. Finally, she came to an almost-conclusion: First, she would have to ask a few questions._

_ However, getting her questions across seemed to pose a problem. For, just now, Lucy realized that she had no body. Not only was it dark, it was nothing. Nothing at all. Therefore, speaking could prove difficult when one had no body. Then she went for the telepathic route, which proved more fruitful. "So, before I give you a definitive response, answer two things for me." The other disembodied voice made no reply. 'Which kinds of makes it a disembodied nothing,' Lucy briefly thought, before getting back on topic. "One: Will time pass in the real world, and can I ever get back?"_

"_Ah, but you always said Middle Earth WAS real. Actually, I really can't answer those questions. It would interfere with something already going on as we... telepathically speak. Your other question?" responded the voice calmly, as if she wasn't talking about Lucy's family's potential insanity at their daughter's disappearance._

"_What could telling me POSSIBLY have to do with anything else!" No response. "Fine. My other question: can I choose where I come in to the story?"_

_ The voice almost sounded amused. "Yes, where would you like to come in? Rivendell?"_

"_Umm, no, actually. I want to be found by Aragorn wandering in…wherever it is he wanders right before he meets up with Frodo, and go on with them from there. That way I get to do everything and not have to deal with whiny Hobbits at Bilbo's party. WHICH I might add, was screwed up by the movies, because it was quite a few years after that that Frodo left to Bree." Lucy almost got lost onto a side track when she remembered that people can tell what you're thinking when you're using telepathy. _

_ The voice sounded amused again. "You're sure? Just the general area East of Bree, and any time before the Hobbits arrive? Think these things out clearly."_

_ And then Lucy realized that she really DID need to think those details through. She could be dropped off anywhere, and at and any time, just as long as she didn't arrive after the Hobbits._

_ Another few hours of thinking and she got it all right. "Put me in the direct path that Aragorn will be following, but one hour ahead of him. And no tricks, I want him to be where I am in exactly one hour. I also want all this to take place just as Aragorn is leaving the wild for Bree, and when he gets there I want the Hobbits there soon after, and again, no tricks. I want the Hobbits that consist of Frodo, Merry, Pippin and Sam. Is all that clear?" Lucy demanded, before realizing that demanding anything from someone who had the power to transport someone to Middle Earth could be a bad idea. The voice didn't seem to mind, or at least never said anything about it._

_ "That's better. You're completely sure? Yes? Okay."_

And all of a sudden Lucy, now Alya, made contact with the cold, hard ground.

_To be continued, obviously._

Well, how did I do?

I reallyreallyREALLY want that program. Except for that 'transporting you to Middle Earth' thing. If anyone has a way to make this, I will actually pay you money. Or maybe not. I don't actually have any money, so I can't. You can pretend I paid you!

Hey, and remember: Never download strange files from the internet. See what could happen?


	2. It Isn't That Easy, Is It?

Chapter 2: See? It Isn't That Easy, Is It?

Disclaimer: If I owned the stupid thing, I wouldn't be writing this fanfiction, now would I?

Lucy didn't really imagine getting teleported, or whatever it was that happened to her, could be so painful. Her head had a lump on it from hitting the ground, and it was throbbing painfully. At that moment, she really wished there was some Advil or something in Middle Earth, but no dice. She'd just have to live through it.

Anyway, she had to stay in this one for an hour, and then Aragorn would find her. It seemed easy enough. And then it started raining. Did she specify the weather? She couldn't remember, but she had a feeling she didn't. The day was off to a bad start.

But she stayed where she was through the rain, and tried to make herself look like she'd been traveling for weeks, and yet still stay elegant and Sueish. It proved harder than it looked, but it kept her occupied. She also made sure to cover her ears, as she had a plan for them. She thought she had come up with a pretty good plan all the way to Rivendell, actually, although it would probably change. The hour seemed to pass very quickly, and soon she heard the sound of footsteps. However, her overpowered hearing mislead her, and she was kept waiting for about ten minutes while the Ranger caught up with the footsteps. As soon as she heard him getting close, she started walking of in whichever direction he was going, but somewhat slower. In a few seconds after she began walking, she heard the footsteps stop, and she quickly turned around, as if she had just noticed the figure behind her.

And there was the Ranger, standing there in what could have been shock to anyone else, but the Ranger kept his face unemotional. He stared at her for a moment, as if trying to figure things out a bit, and put everything together, but quickly pulled himself together, and Lucy could see his hand slowly moving towards his sword, never taking his eyes off her. Clearly, the ears were well hidden. He was cautiously asking her questions, but she couldn't understand the language he was speaking. However she Sue part of her translated it for her, and although she could understand what was being said, it still wasn't English. Lucy was somewhat disappointed for a moment, but then remembered the Ranger standing in front of her, who could leave her in the middle of nowhere if she didn't respond to the questions. She figured the middle of nowhere seemed rather unpleasant, so she started paying attention to the Ranger.

"… you?" she caught the fragment of the sentence. She guessed it may have been 'Who are you?' but just to be sure she answered that, and a few more things.

"I am Alya." she did a kind of half-bow thing with her hand over her heart, something one might see in a Middle-Earthian type setting. She had, however, really just done it on a spur of the moment thing, not really thinking all too much. "I think I am perfectly entitled to walk these woods, just as much as you are. Who might you be?" She spoke all of this quite calmly, almost as if she didn't care that there was a sword strapped to this man's belt, or that he was very strong looking and could take her down in a second and have her head off in another second.

If a Ranger ever looked puzzled or confused, this was what it would look like, although he was concealing everything very well. "Who I am is of no consequence to you. Do you know your way back to the inn, because I cannot just leave some stranger in these woods. I shall take you back to there, for that is exactly where I was going, for business that is my own." He started walking off. "Will you come?"

Naturally, Lucy followed him, talking at him every so often. Talking AT him, because he rarely responded. "Did you really think I'd attack you? You had your hand on your sword, and that's really not polite during conversation, it makes people think you're going to attack them. Besides, why would I attack someone who could potentially provide conversation or food, or a way to an inn of some sort? It just wouldn't be in my best interest, you see. I rarely do anything if it isn't. There are special occasions where I will, but those come very rarely." _My plan is genius._

Lucy would talk for about two minutes straight, and then shut up for another hour or two. It kept her occupied, and she really needed it, too. They had been walking for about 6 hours, when the sun should have set, but it was hard to tell with the rain. They finally stopped for dinner and some sleep, and a little conversation went on, but not much. Once she stopped walking, Lucy noticed the pack she had on her back. Odd, as usually one knows when they're carrying 30+ pounds on their backs, but there's always a first time for everything, like not noticing something huge on one's back. She took a look at her pack, and saw that it matched everything else she was wearing: Black, with a red rose embroidered onto it. She then examined the contents of said bag: All of the outfits she had created back in her world on that computer were in there, as well as a few loaves of rock-hard bread, some dried fruit and some dried meat that looked a bit like jerky. That seemed enough for a few nights. She also found a few gold, silver and copper coins, and a small comb. Also, of course, there was a sleeping bag-type thing, but less civilized, and more Middle-Earthian. All that stuff could never have fit in her bag, but she supposed that as a Sue, everything she owned was just special.

Lucy decided on some of the dried jerky-stuff, some of what she thought were dried peaches, and a slice of her bread. When she finally looked up, the person-who-she-wasn't-supposed-to-know-yet was gone. Yay for Lucy and her not noticing things! She chewed on her dried meat for a while, and in about ten minutes, the Ranger returned, with two dead rabbits. _Yippee. Must… not… hurl…_

Had Lucy been in her real body, her eye would have twitched, but she contained herself, and managed a weak smile. "Nothing like hot rabbit after a day of travel." She said, with her best facade of hunger. In reality, she was so not hungry from the site of those rabbits, now being skinned, that she didn't even want her peaches. But once the rabbits had been cooked and put together into a stew-like thing, it didn't look as bad. It was a bit like this stew her grandmother had made, but usually that wasn't made with freshly-caught bunnies. The Ranger, still without speaking, passed her a bowl of the rabbit-stuff, which wasn't really that awful. It tasted a bit like… no; Lucy had never tasted anything like it. Still, she managed to down it, using the bread to kind of clean her taste buds from anything really nasty she came upon. The entire time she was eating, she kept a straight face, not showing her disgust at anything she ate.

When they finished eating and cleaning up, a little bit of conversation went on as they set up their bedrolls. "So," Lucy started, "How far to the inn? A bath sounds so nice right now."

"Another day's walk, maybe less. We should get there while it is light, at the pace we are traveling. I am very impressed, most of the women at Bree, where we are going, wouldn't have gotten one tenth of the distance we traveled without complaint."

"Then they are better than where I come from, no one I know would have gotten two steps." Lucy replied, and laughed softly to herself. It was true, at her school there had been: The popular people who never walked farther than necessary to look good, the girls in sports who were used to level surfaces, the geeks who never moved from their computers at all, and the majority of the people who would have bitched and whined the entire way, even if they had made it. There was just Lucy, and maybe two or three other people, actually went hiking, or even walking at all. Lucy had been going on hikes since she could walk, and frequently went outside to her favorite place, a cluster of trees on a hill by the park where people rarely went, with a Lord of the Rings book and some food in a back-pack, so she could read in peace all day. That, and her Elvish body, and her Sueish tirelessness, she easily kept time with the Ranger.

A few more words were passed back and forth, but eventually, they both drifted off to sleep, or so they thought. In reality, both of them were thinking about the day's events.

Aragorn was pondering 'Alya'. It wasn't often he found women just wandering around forests. Also, where did she come from? If she didn't come from the inn, and she certainly didn't come from Rivendell, where could she have come from? Also, she did not seem like a wanderer. For one thing, her clothes were too finely made to be poor. Also, her name, Alya, was Elvish. Not many people at all, especially wanderers, from either Bree, Gondor or Rohan would know enough Elvish to name their child in it. And if she wasn't human, how could she be an Elf? She didn't wear the clothes of any elf from Rivendell, Lothlorien or Mirkwood. A red rose… The Ranger searched his memory for signs bearing roses, but all his memories turned up blank. Also, she was dressed very strangely for an elf. Instead of the greens and blues that elves usually sported, she was wearing blacks and reds. The colors of… Mordor… But that was impossible. She didn't look like she'd have anything to do with that great evil. This was one of those rare times when a Ranger was actually surprised or confused

Not all was peaceful with Alya, either. After her first day of... fun... she was starting to wonder how life was at home. Was the time even passing? If it was, how was everyone reacting to her being missing? Her mother was probably crying on the couch, waiting for the time when Lucy was legally missing, so she could file a missing person report. Her father would probably be shouting at people in the car to move faster, but the traffic would most likely be stopping him from getting anywhere fast. And when he did get home, he'd probably sit an inch away from the TV, waiting for something to come up on the news. Lucy felt horrible for just leaving like that, but she had no choice. It was either that or stay in the darkness forever, or go back home, changed into something she wasn't supposed to be, and possibly mess up reality. If Middle Earth really did exist, then what happened there would affect what the world would be like now. And if she was in Middle Earth for a reason, she couldn't risk not completing her task, whatever it may have been. But maybe she wasn't even supposed to be in Middle Earth, and her just being there would mess stuff up. So many decisions!

Lucy wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but she did know when she woke up: Waaaayyy too early. Staying up until about midnight thinking was fine and all, but the crack of dawn didn't really fall into Lucy's Good-Times-To-Wake-Up book. Being Elvish kind of helped Lucy wake up, but it didn't stop her being rather grumpy. At least she managed to not talk at all most of the time, an efficient way of keeping back any sarcastic comments or biting remarks.

But hey, you know what really wakes one up? Tripping, falling and adding a throbbing ankle to one's list of injuries. Now Lucy had: a throbbing head from landing in Middle Earth, not helped by waking up too early, a now somewhat-swollen ankle, and various other scratches from being in a large, scratchy forest. But, for the sake of Suedom, Lucy declined the Ranger's offer to look at it, and managed to walk half the day without stopping, her teeth firmly clamped. Being... A... Sue... Is... Really... Painful...

When they stopped for a brief break, Lucy pulled off her boot to have a look at the offending ankle. It wasn't pretty. It was very swollen and puffy, and a dullish red that didn't look healthy in the least. "Ow..." the Ranger whistled softly. "Did you want any help with that? Here. Let me see it."

Lucy shook her head and cringed slightly. "No, I can do it fine myself. No really, I'm fine!" she smiled, just to prove her point, and set to work finding something to keep her ankle from moving. She first thought of her cloak, but she really didn't want to ruin it, so she tried to find something else. A spare blanket from her pack looked fine, and she ripped off a strip of it to tie her ankle. She then returned the remaining blanket to her pack, and gingerly put her boot back on.

Meanwhile, the Ranger was rummaging through his pack, and when Lucy finished putting on her boot, he handed her a sprig of some kind of plant. "Here, chew on that. It will help relieve some pain. I am impressed how well you handled that, even some men cannot stand to look at their own stubbed toes."

"Thank you, I usually have no choice in treating my own injuries, as I travel much, and have no one else to do it." She took the plant, and warily sniffed it before putting it in her mouth. A few seconds after she started chewing it, the pain in her ankle considerably lessened, and her head became less foggy. Actually, from sniffing it, she hadn't gained any information, but it looked like she knew what she was doing. A round of applause for Lucy's mad acting skillz!

And then, she walked some more. But this time, when Lucy started talking, she sometimes got a response. Improvement! "So, you say you travel. Where is it that you come from originally, if I may be bold enough to ask?"

"I came from a land quite far away. It is a city surrounded by a barren wasteland, where everything is made of stone and metal. It is an awful place, even the waters are dirty. With the water of the ocean around your ankles, you cannot see your own feet." Well, it wasn't a lie, it was actually the most accurate description of southern California Lucy had ever given. But she continued her mostly-truths, almost as if she was telling it to herself. "The people there are hostile, and very few of them are respectful to themselves, or others. True love is nearly nonexistent, and married couples are mostly likely to break apart. The children have barely any respect for their parents. Many people in the place I live are not loyal to our... king, but not entirely of their fault. The king makes many mistakes, and is not the greatest one we have ever had. It was a vile place." Lucy continued, almost bitterly.

"Astounding, I cannot imagine a place such as that. I can see why you tried to stay away from there. But surely you miss some things about it, don't you? Your home, your friends, your family?" the Ranger responded, a look of shock barely hidden on his face.

At the word of family, Lucy's eyes started to water. She did miss her parents, and the Ranger had hit a very soft spot. Lucy turned away to her pack, as if she was looking for something, but really to hide her face before the Ranger saw her being weak and crying. However, something in the way she moved, and how she seemed to have her face buried in her bag kind of gave her away, and the Ranger sensed he had brought up a painful subject. "I am sorry, I pried into your affairs too far, it was not my business. Forgive me." she Ranger apologized.

"No no, there's nothing to forgive. I shouldn't be crying anyway, I just... No no, please, I want to talk about it some more. I haven't really talked to anyone about it, and I may lose my remaining sanity if I don't." Lucy giggled slightly. What remaining sanity? You're in MIDDLE EARTH. You clearly HAVE no remaining sanity.

The Ranger nodded, and remained silent, listening to his strange companion's story.

"In my land, you can never really trust anybody. If your friend isn't your closest friend, they could betray you for any reason at all, and you're safer just not talking to anyone. Even in the schools, not even the real world, they teach you very little. They teach you to read and write, bit more importantly, they teach you to look a certain way, and to be cruel, or people will be cruel to you. Then there are the people at the top, who everyone wants to be near, just so they can say they're popular. But they aren't popular for their kindness, or any particular skills they may have, but because of their looks, money, or social status. They are cruel, and spread lies if you bother them. Even if you don't bother them, they still spread lies, just for their enjoyment. And out in the real world, there are people living on the street on every corner..." Lucy spoke on, as if she was talking to herself, and the Ranger wasn't there. He listened to all her ramblings.

"But there are good things... Books, for one. I spent my life there reading and learning. Many people are educated from age three to age twenty-one, or longer, both male and female. One might think we would be the wisest of all lands, but we seem to have used out knowledge for... other things. It is both knowledge and ignorance that have turned us into that horror I described to you before." Lucy continued. It was amazing how much you actually learn yourself while trying to teach someone about something they've never seen or heard of.

The Ranger was very interested in everyone learning. "So everyone learns to read and write?" It seemed to be a novel idea to him. He was brought up with the elves, he should be used to it. Stupid sexist. But Lucy continued anyway.

"Yes. At least, we are supposed to learn from age five to eighteen, but some people go longer. Personally, I went from age three to eleven, when I ran away. I was intending to go until twenty-one, and then maybe further, but that didn't happen. And not only can we read and write, we learn to do math, the history of our country, and a second or third language. If you get a good education, you also learn to play music, sing, dance and do all kinds of art." Well, mostly everything she had said was true. Lucy was planning to go to college, but Middle Earth seemed to want to stop that from happening.

"Truly amazing. So then I suppose you marry later than the women here, do you not?" inquired the Ranger as they walked. He was interested in this place his companion had come from, as it was so far from Middle Earth. In one aspect it was like the elves, with all the equality, but from what he had heard, it was an awful place to be.

"Yes, we do. The average age we marry is in our early twenties, but many people get married later, or not at all. And some marry before that, although they aren't allowed to marry before eighteen. And I know you think it's an awful place, I could see your face as I described it, but really, it is not all bad. There are good things there, and some of the people there are actually kind. I just couldn't stand being there, myself. But it doesn't really matter, does it? I am not there anymore, and I am not capable of going back. Even if I could stand going back, the place has disappeared. It was protected with a magical barrier, that makes it invisible to see unless, of course, you are inside. It was hidden from me when I left. And THAT is why you have never seen it or heard of it, by the way. Just in case you happened to be wondering." Lucy thought up, and was rather proud of herself. She had made an uber-awesome story, and nobody could disprove her, because it was INVISABLE! High-fives for me!

The ranger looked fascinated, and listened intently to everything being said. Now, if he had been dealing with anyone who wasn't a Sue, he might have been slightly suspicious. But Lucy spoke so smoothly, and with just a hint of sadness at her home disappearing, and the Sueish powers of persuasion she possessed kept him from doubting the story for very long. "Well, I think that's enough of that for now," Lucy said briskly. "Have all your questions for the time being been answered?" The Ranger had far more questions than that, but his companion had given much information already, and he didn't think she had the energy to give more. She was looking rather tired, and they still had another hour's walk, and she couldn't collapse of exhaustion just because they were talking too much. The Ranger nodded that he was done with his questions.

"So, if you're done with questions, would you permit me to ask a few questions about you? I don't even have a name to call you!" Lucy said, relieved she wouldn't be the one to talk now, because all this information-giving was making her tired.

"I'm not sure if I can answer all your questions, but the ones I can answer without giving away too much, I will. What would you ask me?" the Ranger replied.

"Well, how about a name? You don't have to give me your real name, but I need something to call you, I can't just say 'Hey person-that-I-found-in-the-forest!'. It's much too long a name for you." she said in mock seriousness, tweaking her Sueish powers to make sure she didn't look too serious. You can never tell if your jokes are too believable, after all.

"I think that is a very fine name. I could call you woman-who-wanders-forests-and-can't-find-the-inns! That would be a fine name for you, don't you think?" the Ranger laughed. PROGRESS! I got him to say 'don't' instead of 'do not'! I'm wiiiining! It was a small but useful victory for Lucy. Now she wouldn't have to think so much before she spoke so she could sound Middle-Earthian. "Well, where we are going, Bree, I am known as Strider or Longshanks, among other, less pleasant things. So if either of those names please you, or any others you learn at Bree will do. Most people call me Strider, actually. But any name you see fit is fine by me."

A mental note clicked in Lucy's head that this was, indeed, the right Ranger. "Strider will do, then. I'm rather fond of that name, actually. Will be close to the inn soon?" Lucy asked, trying to keep some sort of conversation going.

"Yes, we are getting close now. Maybe an hour or less, I'm impressed. We're going to get there while it is still fairly light. How's your ankle?" Strider inquired. He had just remembered it, and was wondering how 'Alya' was holding up with it. It had been a long day, and walking was not what one did with a sprained ankle.

"Oh, it's... fine." l Lucy tried to say breezily, and mostly succeeded, although there was just the tiniest trace of pain in her voice, mostly left in for effect, as she could have easily kept her voice calm. In reality, however, her ankle was killing her. She had almost forgotten about it, but then the Ranger just HAD to bring it up.

"Alright then..." Strider replied slowly. He could tell it wasn't 'fine', but he knew she would probably decline any help anyway, so he saved his breath. They chatted for a while more, until a horrible stench hit them.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" Lucy exclaimed, wrinkling her nose. Strider looked at her strangely for a moment, and then started laughing.

"That, my friend, if the smell of Bree. You must be very unaccustomed to the smell of civilization having been in a forest so long. You also must have the nose of an elf, as most people would not have noticed the smell at all, let alone from so far away. But maybe the forest has just sharpened your senses." he laughed.

"Yeah, maybe..." Lucy said distractedly. She shouldn't have said anything! She had to keep her plan in motion. She then realized that she wasn't keeping up her facade, and quickly put it back on. "My home smelled bad, but not like this!" she laughed. "I just must not be used to it anymore."

The supposedly intelligent Ranger proved himself and noticed the change of voice. He was concerned, but decided to be tactful and not say anything.

And soon after that, the tall gates of Bree came into view.

Well? That do you think? Okay, I'm not that cynical about the world, I was just making a point. I'm not depressed, Okay? Tell that to my school. By the way, I won't bribe you to review my fic like most people, but if you're nice enough to review, you're... a nice person? Okay, I won't bribe you, but Lucy/Alya will.

_Lucy/Alya: Ummm, I could, let's see... Put you in Bree in this story, make you an Elf in the story, or... yeah I'll think of something._

Me: Hey, wait, did I say you could have friends over? No? Well then...

_Lucy/Alya: Well, I have magic powers and can turn you into a piece of cheese! Take that! poof_

Me: Right then. If I have room, I can try to put you in the story or something.

And ZOMG, I got reviews! Real live reviews! Much thanks and chocolate to:

Miranda: What a... constructive... review. If you read this next line, Mirandi, you'll... turn into a toad! poof. Too bad.

Sushi-san85: Thanks, I'll try to, but I can't promise I'll do anything quickly. I'm a slow-ish writer.

Southern Gaelic: Promise is good. And the Sue is fully grown, the normal person isn't. That make sense?

Cowgirl4Christ: Three oh-so-powerful words. Thank you!

-incessant embers-: I really love your pen name, by the way. Here's your update you wanted.

Lady ElfDragon: Yeah, I could make the program, but I'm lazy. I figure all these people try hard to make non-Mary Sues, I'll try to make a very-Mary Sue. It's actually really hard.

Vchildofthekng: What slightly scary? I'm terrified. And apparently teleportation hurts one's head, too.

I have exam type things at school this week, but I'll try to get some of this done in class. So the question is, do you want slow updates but long chapters, or fast updates with medium/short-ish chapters? I would appreciate a response to this. And also, I know we're nowhere near there, but I wanna know if I should kill Boromir. I'm making plans for the rest of the story, but Boromir will have a part in it if he's alive, so I need to know. Thanks!


	3. A Note From Socks, the Author

The authoress speaking. Yeah, I know, a chapter should be here, but it isn't. Don't panic. I'm going to science camp for a week for school, starting tomorrow, and all last week I had exam-type-things, so I doubt the chappie will be up any time soon. I have about a page of it written, but it still needs a lot more. To make up for it, I'll try to make it extra long, but don't expect it for another two or three weeks.

I need to know ASAP if you guys would perfer slightly shorter chappies and sooner updates, and the chappies will be like 2-4 pages. Or, you could ask for 5-10 chappies at about two weeks in between. The choice is yours. This replacement chappie will be taken down whenever I get chapter 3 up, so just post if you like longer or shorter chappies and don't waste time making a long review. You can do that on the regularly-scedualed chapter.

Also, out of the blue, but would anyone want to beta this? I am known as the "Tpyo Qeuen" among some of my friends, and spell-checker isn't always good. I'll make a test-thing at some point with purposeful typos in it, and if you can get all or most of them I'll consider it. When it's done, I'll post a link in my profile, and PM me with the errors.

Okay, I'm done now. So, if you give me any input on this, you'll get... some sugar-free ice cream, I'm on a no-sugar kick. If you insist on having sugar, take some kooha. It's hard to explain, but it's like this thin cake-y thing with sliced apples and cinimon on top, and then this sour-cream topping. It sounds odd, but it's KILLER good. Okay, I'll stop describing it now.


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